OK. I’m at a different McDonalds. Screw cops, am I right?

One of the conditions you will need to meet before I accept membership to your guild is that Trance must be kicked out. The Blue Stuff? That’s TV. I’m all about reality. I used to regularly out duel Trance in pre-UOR. I’ll duel him right now on Hybrid or any other player-run shard, no potions, and no stun mage shit. And no dexers and no healing mages and no wands or magic jewelry and no magic resistance because that shit is for pussies. I used to roll over everyone on Baja with zero magic resistance. I never had time to macro on a boat because I was always creating new characters after getting banned over and over by power tripping GMs. Fucking GMs. I bet that cop rolling through the McDonalds parking lot is an out of work GM. Yeah, I’m still playing UO. So? It’s still the best game out there, a game where skill triumphs over stupid luck or purple gear. I’ll duel Trance any day. I’ve been practicing my combo timing and all Trance has been practicing is filling up his Snuggie with farts, apparently while he watches Breaking Bad instead of joining the rest of us in reality.

So that is one condition: kick out Trance. My other two conditions are one, that I am granted immediate Lord status, since I’ve technically put in the time already and I can out duel anyone Pre-UOR, no potions or poisoned weapons and no horse killing. And two, I get to handpick a group of four Adept-level guild members to serve as my strike team on Hybrid shard. Or on an official UO shard like Baja if that is easier.

I’m a little worked up because of Trance and his questioning me. Plus my Social Security Disability check hasn’t come in yet this week. I’ve had to drive past my mom’s trailer park every day this week looking for the check, and she is always looking out the damned window of her trailer. And when she sees my truck she comes running out the front door wearing nothing but a bathrobe and chases my truck down the road for a block or so. She lost a slipper the last time, and I was laughing so hard I almost hit some pussy kid who was riding a bike. I call him pussy because he was wearing a helmet. Wearing a helmet while riding a bike is like dueling while using potions. Time to grow up, fag.

OK. I’m going inside for a milkshake and fries. Be right back.