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Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML



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Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML



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Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused caling me Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML


I'm constipated.... I couldn't give a shit.