So there I was, deep inside the dungeon of Shame. Not a metaphor - that's the name of a dungeon in Ultima Online. One of my characters is a tamer, they're good for making money. However, I usually lose whatever money I make in the same few hours at the poker tables. However, that's not important. What is relevant, is that I live in Florida. It never gets super cold here, but when the temperature does drop to the 30's I always seem to get sick. While recalling around in UO and killing monsters known as Balrons, it gradually became much more difficult to breathe through my nose. While when you think of the average MMORPG player, you may imagine an obese mouth breather, however I find breathing through my mouth very uncomfortable and decided that I must find my trusty bottle of Afrin. While fighting a Balron on the bottom level of Shame, I used a bard skill known as "peacemaking" to incapacitate it for what is probably around 30 seconds, had my pets attack it, and walked to the bedroom to get aforementioned bottle. Upon returning, I realized I have been murdered. Okay, whatever. I had really nothing on me anyway, and didn't really care. I kept trying to ask them to kill my dragon so I could leave quickly with my pets, but they just sat around letting the monsters kill it. This takes some time, as dragons have a high level of hit points. While standing around, one of the two guys who murdered me (Both named "Stretch" as they are very clever individuals) ran up to my ghost and said "Complain at lordsofdeath.com." No, thanks. Just waiting for my dragon to die. He ran off and maybe 90 seconds ticked by and he runs up again spamming the same thing. It's obviously pretty important to this kid to have recognition on a forum that it seems like nobody posts on anymore, so hey, "Maybe I'll go later" I thought. Never hurts to help someone else's self esteem, and I am a pretty stand-up guy. However, in game, I decide I should probably wear armor while fighting things that are camped by PKs pretty often. So I suit up in some fairly decent gear and eventually make my way back to the spot it which I was murdered. Upon recalling in, no balron had respawned, but I notice that one "Stretch" is right below me. Neat. He immediately hides (goes invis) and I make my way down to the floor he is on. Stand there for a second, and knowing he is in the same room, cast the spell of "reveal." When he sees this, he immediately attacks. And fails. "All guard me" I say, and my pets lay waste to him pretty quickly. Now, I have no parrying skill or magic resist skill on this character, and if he was an actual good player, he'd know not to attack an undistracted tamer in a very small space, and to lure me out into the bigger room just a few tiles away. But who said he was good??? Sure, he could've used the door two tiles to his right, but hey, why employ simple strategy when you can die in a less-than-glorious manner?? Immediately, his other friend "Stretch" recalls in and begins chasing me around the larger area. My dragon is distracted by several elementals, my Nightmare is almost dead, and my health is around 30%. I hop on my Mare, run through a portal and cast invis on myself once on the other side.He runs around the room until he bumps into my invisible body and uses skill "detect hidden" and attacks. Again.,... and again.... and again. Health is brought down to around 7% so I run and heal myself, get off my mare, spam "all kill" and cast heal on my Mare. Even so, my mare's health was only 20% and my actual character has no PvP skills. He immediately ran like a skinny white girl strolling past a group of black guys drinking Olde English out of quarts on the street.Hehe, fun. So that's it.... OR IS IT????
Later on, I recall into another balron spot and begin fighting the balron. While running around the room, positioning myself to be able to heal both of my pets if necessary, I get the "You push something invisible out of the way" system message. Ohhh man, it can't be....... IT IS! Stretch, knowing he is found, launches another hilariously futile attack. "all guard me," and he dies. Mind you - this is the kind of player repping your site. The other stretch did manage to kill me. Well.... not exactly. He hit me once or twice and the balron killed my dragon and then me, but I will still give him credit because he had a lot of heart, and believed in himself. If mid 90's after school specials taught me anything, it's that that's all that matters.
So there you go, "stretch," you made it clear that it was important to you that I log on and say something along the lines "OMFG WTF FK U NOOB" but instead I wrote a 90000 word essay in your honor. I tried to drag it out a lot longer but got bored. Sorry.
